Talk about doing the heavy-lifting of processing family burdens and heaving-around a ship engulfed in a relationship storm. I mediated a marriage and family agreement with a couple in crisis. After months of facilitating dialogue regarding hurts, issues, positions, and interests, they came to an excellent working agreement. They, not me, did the work of heavy-lifting but, of course, the real work is in keeping this agreement to keep their marriage and family on course and off the rocks of separation. Even so, the agreement and promises when made and kept give an opportunity for trust to grow.
Here is their agreement, used by permission, in their own words:
“In faith, we ask God to continue to help us as we recognize that our marriage and family have come a long way from what it was at one time. Once we did not handle our offenses and disagreements very well. We separated from each other rather than gathered together. We allowed power and selfishness to drive our responses to each other.”
“We recognize that in the past we wanted to be right – but today, we want to be reconciled with each other. We want to know and experience that everything is okay between us.”
“So, as our hearts turn to God, we say we are sorry for all the ways we have hurt each other. We are willing to make things as right as possible from this day on to assure each other that peace and happiness will thrive in our marriage and family.”
“Therefore, with God’s help, we make the following promises that give us all a brighter future and a meaningful start point for healing in our family. As a result of much time spent talking and understanding each other, we desire to make family a high priority for everyone by doing activities together as a couple and a family. We invite each other to enjoy life together. We want to make good memories and lasting values that will go on for generations and generations. We want family stories that will tell of our love, intimacy, connection, and respect for each other. We want people to know that we really know each other and that we experienced redemption – i.e. we recovered what was lost or that which we never even had.”
“We look to a future of no regrets and no fears of abandonment. We strive to be a safe home for everyone as we have a mutual connection to a faith-community where we can all grow and be transformed. We strive to connect to each other through reading God’s word, listening to God’s Spirit, and being with God’s people.”
“We also realize we need to take all of the above promises in steps and to give each other time to change and grow. We promise to extend grace to each other as we change. We want to be a grace-based couple and family. We agree to change our parenting styles to help our children become independent responsible adults. Therefore, we will strive to be loving, accepting, and gracious parents who will extend unconditional love and at the same time not to be afraid to speak truth-in-love.”
“We promise to do our part and have confidence that God will do His part. God specializes in doing the impossible and we trust Him for the miracles to keep our marriage and family on the right path – His path.”
